Today I find myself feeling like physically my body is here, but my mind who knows where it is I'm just numb. This last week brought a new set of challenges and I don't think I was ready.
So Jon and I decided to move to CA for his business and although I was kicking and screaming, there was a part of me that was excited. I will not lie, the first months were tough! Adjusting to marriage, being in a place where I knew no one, trying to find a job, make friends. All of it was hard. I missed the people I left in UT and didn't know how to find myself in CA.
Well, we've lived in CA for 6 months now and I love it! I still miss UT, family and friends, but I've worked really hard to make a life for me here. I don't care for my job, but it pays the bills and works with my schedule. I love the friends we've met and the new calling I received (Young Womens). I've worked really hard on trying to decide what I wanted out of my life and went for it. I'm very involved at my gym and am training to be a fitness instructor with a guaranteed job. I love it! More than anything, I love what this move has done for my marriage! Jon and I have really had to depend on one another for everything and it's been great! BUT all of that may change...
This last week Jon and his business partner Brian decided to dissolve their partnership. Because of their partnership dissolving, we're probably moving back to UT where Jon owns another franchise in the property management business. You would think exciting right? WRONG! I've cried all week long. I worked so hard to create a life here. I decided I was on an adventure that I knew wouldn't last long (but at least 2 years) so I put my whole heart into it. NO REGRETS was my theme. And now...ah!!! I'm so frustrated and torn. There is a part of me that loves the idea of going back to my home and being around the people I love, but I feel like I'm just beginning here. There is so much to take in and people to meet and share the gospel with. I'm really excited about the fitness training and awaiting job. I love my calling and the girls. It's just hard. Why can't I have the best of both worlds? I found a new ME here and if we move, it will be hard starting over again in UT and to take what I learned and make it happen again.
Seriously Heavenly Father, I don't get it!!!
So my life is at a cross roads, do be selfish and I talk my husband into looking for a job in CA and running our UT franchise from CA until I say, "K, let's go home"? (Would that day ever come?) Cause I know he would do it if I asked him to. Or do I do the "obedient" thing and follow the standard of everyone else and go where my husband's job is? LAME!
At least one thing is always constant no matter where I live, my husband and the love we have for each other (aside from the gospel and family & friends). What a blessing to have such a wonderful husband and best friend!!! I'll keep you posted on what the final decision is...until then hope you are all doing well!
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2 comments:
You'll find comfort at some point and you'll know what is right....you always do.
Kati!!!! I don't eve remember how I linked to your blog, but hooray! Isn't it annoying how life never goes as planned... just when you start to think you have it figured out Heavenly Father decides it's time to change things up.. I'm so glad I found your blog! Hope you don't mind me checking on you from time to time :) I know you will make the right decision and make the best out of whatever happens!! Hang in there ;)
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